Feb 6, 2010
352 notes

Simplicity

merlin:

43 Simple Ways To Simplify Your Life

  1. Remove your doors
  2. Eat half of each pet
  3. Sit on a big, thick book
  4. Something something keyring holder
  5. Paint clocks cheery pink
  6. Wear discarded food
  7. Makebelieve girlfriend chair
  8. Sleep in liquor cabinet
  9. Embrace hug love hug meow meow
  10. Small room to plan crimes
  11. Hack your house key organizer
  12. Mail a surprise toaster
  13. Just stare more
  14. Fourteen
  15. Poke holes in paper things
  16. Macrame shoelace tree
  17. Scrapbook poop and pee
  18. Euthanize even faster
  19. Amputate favorite limb
  20. Pencil shaving gallery
  21. Immigrant coat rack
  22. Shoebox of dangerous porn
  23. Zen unicorn rainbow zen journal
  24. Icepick to one good eye
  25. Simplify fourteen harder
  26. Aluminum foil swan cozy dryer
  27. Smell your finger. All of it.
  28. Resimplify your simplicity
  29. Habitualize your zen
  30. Remind your drapes, “I love you, Mrs. Textile”
  31. Freeze your clutter
  32. Couch fort dinner party
  33. Nicene creed robot
  34. Only sodomize things that forgive
  35. Coaxial sweater vest
  36. Transitive verb predicate clause
  37. More crying but quieter
  38. Inhaler nativity
  39. Contact paper taxonomy binder
  40. America’s Roast Beef: Yes, Sir
  41. Breathe like no one’s dancing
  42. Unbridled solo diaper play
  43. Illuminated panty shrine

[via]

Merlin is of course very clever but let’s look at this bullshit he’s sending up:

5. Create a weekly meal plan.

I can’t really say that this sounds like a BAD idea at all, in fact it seems like a great way to keep yourself eating healthy if you can stick to it.  But It is really, really not simpler than just eating well.

37. Start a gratitude journal.

Fucking seriously.  Start writing down everything you’re grateful for.  Carry around a book so you’ve got some place to do it.  That’ll really clear out the clutter in your life. And of course the very best:

14. Just say no.

There, what fantastic, marvelous advice.  Just say no.  To what, you might ask? Drugs?  Peer pressure?  Just everything?  This could have been expounded upon, but I suppose it would have complicated the author’s life.

  1. walkingspanish reblogged this from merlin
  2. ftrc reblogged this from merlin
  3. sneakersforsneaking reblogged this from beekel and added:
    do i even no i do not
  4. jaggedfragments reblogged this from merlin and added:
    [parody is healthy] This reminds me a little of Steve Martin’s Grandmother’s Song as well as the writings of my friend...
  5. popcandyfish reblogged this from imnotheretomakefriends and added:
    I’d have to say that number 36 is my favourite.
  6. idrivec-3po reblogged this from imnotheretomakefriends
  7. laurrrgasm reblogged this from imnotheretomakefriends
  8. imnotheretomakefriends reblogged this from merlin
  9. denato-world reblogged this from beekel
  10. alicia182 reblogged this from mmmedicine and added:
    34 and 43 hahahahahahahahahahaha. I may need to get an illuminated panty shrine for my new house.
  11. ironicsentiment reblogged this from merlin
  12. illtemper reblogged this from merlin
  13. casalunare reblogged this from merlin
  14. amelioratic reblogged this from merlin
  15. keepitclassy reblogged this from merlin
  16. plippy reblogged this from dears
  17. sameasiteverwas reblogged this from merlin
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